| I need a job ......not a man |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|07:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | song cry- Jay-z | ] |
Well i have finally realized that having no boyfriend right now is a VERY GOOD THING, why you might ask my grades are steadily improving and i feel good! :) But there is something i need desperatley and that is a job....i am sooooooo broke, i had to go pay my court fees today and now i have less than 100 in my account and that sucks ass. It is hard going from 2 jobs this summer to nothing here in Greenville. It sucks having no money and not a rich family, poor people are always the one to suffer, and i swear i get looked over for every job in Greenville. No one will hire me i just dont understand in Garner i had no problem getting a job....i guess i am not in Kansas anymore.
But anyway i feel refreshed without a boyfriend even though i get really lonley i feel good being by myself. But i just feel a little depressed because it is so hard to find a job here and i am lonley. i just like having a guy around and now there is nobody i am just alone and that sucks. Oh well if being a little depressed is what it is gonna take for me to make good grades so be it....i would rather be a millionaire than someones wife not making any money. Plus i am on a role...i have made an "A" on my last 3 chem tests and i made an "a" on my literature midterm. so i am a happy girl. Well sort of :( |
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| ? |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|09:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | take a bow- Madonna | ] |
I think that it is safe to say that me and David are "officially" over....i feel like such a loser for writing this because we broke up in the end of July..i know i am a dork. But we have had a decent relationship since we broke up, but the past few weeks i have had the feelings of being used and not appreiciated, and i know that we are not together now, but we might as well have been, i was still there for him finacially. But anyway since we are not togther i have actually had time to look back and think about a lot of things and i feel stupid for being with him. And it should not feel that way but i do...and all that i want to do right now is MOVE ON.
I had been thinking about this a lot for a couple of days and that is what i want to do, i want to be over him and just live my life. I am 19 years old and i have been stuck on the same guy for almost a year that would be a good thing if we would actually get married and stuff, but we won't and i know that we won't ever get married. So it is best for me just to move on and find a guy that won't make me feel so used, i know he was using me now, and even though when i do things for him he says thank you, it never seems genuine and i can't deal with that. I've been going broke to help him and he doesn't apprieciate it so its time for me to do whats best for ME. and it is funny because i always thought thats what i was doing..looking out for me, and i really wasn't. |
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| I don't really understand politics..i guess i never will |
[Oct. 2nd, 2004|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radio- Jarvis | ] |
I truly don't understand politics but i know that i won't vote for Bush. I guess i don't really understand because all of the politicians are VERY wealthy well i hate to say it white men, and when you are in that demographic (sorry if i am using the wrong words) you tend to only look out for the people like you. Its always been said you have to step on the little people to get to the top, and i think that it is fair that the majority of minorities ( i.e blacks) are voting for Kerry, Bush has not done shit for the black community, or excuse me not just the black community but the people who truly need the help. And i am not talking in terms of welfare but things like Bush requesting no funding for Urban empowerment zones. Places that are trying to make a difference and help the youth, and if certain places can't even get backed by the "Commander in Chief", that is kind of sad.The unemployment rate for african americans has increased by over 10% and that is kind of sad. And i am really not blaming Bush for everything that happens in the black community, but as a black woman i see what a lot of non blacks don't see.
And i think that it is sad when ( this has nothing to do with Bush right now) every time i check my e-mail i hear about some black person robbing someone, shooting someone, or raping someone and that is ridiculous to me. And i hate the white or non black person that puts the stamp on every thuggish looking person and thinks that they are gonna rob or rape them. I know a lot of black people, hell I am black and I don't even think how many people i can count on one hand that i know that would actually rob or rape someone. I love being black and i would not change my race, family, friends, where i live for the world, i just think that a lot of people not just blacks dig very deep holes for themselves that they think that they can get out of and its not that easy. They see this image on tv or hear it on the radio and they think that is "real" life they think that what they see in the movies is how you are supposed to live your life and everyone does it from the little boys who think they are 50 cent to the little girls who think they are Paris Hilton and it bothers me. They see how people dress and act and eat...and feel that that is life. Little boys want to go a rob people now and go to jail and then one day poof magically they will get a record deal, and life does not work like that. But you can't tell people that because then they get mad and think your preaching to them.
I don't know how that came from my politics banter but i feel good, basically what i am saying is that as a black woman i am voting for someone who will support and value the blacks in this country, and i am not saying that Kerry truly cares about the blacks but hopefully he will do a much better job then Bush did. |
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| my weekend |
[Sep. 26th, 2004|08:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | still- Tamia | ] |
Well my weekend was not that bad...I went home on Friday and worked and made a whole 40 damn dollars..but that is better than nothing it gave me just enough money to put in my gas tank and eat out the next day....Then on Saturday me and my momma got our nails done did all of our mother/ daughter bonding stuff....then i went to my friends house and we celebrated her birthday by going out to eat, getting her tattoo, and her smoking some weed. I did not smoke because i am trying to get a job and i don't want that stuff in my system until after i get a job...whenever that may be.
I am trying not to go home as much because it is just entirely to much gas money...but here lately i have been going home for the past two weekends.....well i wont leave again until fall break. I saw Felicity today, I hope i did'nt mix her up with Kerri, I get their names confused because the girl who played Felicity on tv her real name was Kerri and i always get them two confused. don't hate me....it brought back memories...but also seeing Clamp and Naynay brought back memories a few weeks back...i did not want them to think that i was not happy to see them.....i really was..it is always nice to see familiar faces...but the screaming at 2 in the morning was unnecesary... i love ya'll but unnecesary.
Well my tum-tum hurts and i am waiting for dumb David to call...we are not together..but we still talk a lot. Well must go and study some more.
" five on the black hand side"- i don't quite know what that means but i know it's a movie. |
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| i guess its about time for another update |
[Sep. 22nd, 2004|09:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | does'nt really matter- Janet Jackson | ] |
Well i haven't updated in a while and i guess that it really does not matter because no one reads my shit anyway. But that is alright with me because this is for my enjoyment anyway. Well i have decided that i hate Greenville because i can not find a damn job. So i have to wait until January when the Texas Steakhouse opens so that i can transfer and make some money.........
I have been doing nothing but studying and reading for all of my classes because my dumb ass scheduled like three classes this semester that involve a lot of reading...and i hate to read, i guess it will help me out in the long run, but right now it is kicking my black ass.
Well i wish i had more to write about but nothing is really on my mind except for studying for this biology test that i have at 8 am, I wish i could just fall a sleep right now but i would regret it in the morning. Well i guess i will get back to doing what i'm doing.... |
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| I guess i will update |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|05:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hot tonight- New Edition | ] |
Well I am back in G-Vegas with my roomie Shamara...chillin' not doing anything extra special....the first few days of being here were kind of stressfull, because i thought that i was going to get kicked out of school for not paying my fees and i had no way to pay like four thousand dollars out of me or my momma's pocket. So i just took out another loan and everything is good now. I don't have a meal plan, but i dont like the shitty cafeteria food anyway....
Me and David broke up...i am not too devistated actually i am not upset at all it was time for both of us to move on anyway, its for the best. I still see him every now and again well i have to go and eat something.
Oh i bought some shoes today so i am very happy |
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| I don't know why i am updating.. no one will read this |
[Jul. 30th, 2004|06:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | come on over to my place- Nelly | ] |
Well..I really have nothing to say..i do miss writing in my journal though...It brings back memories of last year.
But now i am not doing much of anything but working two jobs and sleeping...but soon it will be all over and i will be back at ECU...doing the same thing i am doing here......working. |
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| i guess i will update |
[May. 24th, 2004|11:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
well here i am two or three weeks after school has let out and i am in the library. My computer is gay it says something is wrong with the modem, so if i need to check my e-mail or anything else i have to come here and feel like some one is peeking over my shoulder.
Well i just wanted Naynay to know that i recieved my postcard and I lOVE IT!!!!!!!! I want to thank you for sending that it made me happy! If only i had your address i would send you something back from Ghetto Garner. ha ha
I have to go now and get a toothrush from target, my brother stole mine yesterday when he came to visit. (How you mix up toothbrushes is beyond me)
Oh and i can't get on onestop and i am pissed |
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| Dance team here i come!!!! |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | love calls- Kem | ] |
I have decided to spread my wings and dance....i am gonna tryout for the dance team here at school the only problem is...I have never danced, been on a dance team, taken a dance class EVER...i was a cheerleader and hopefully, that will help me out big time...because i don't know what in the hell i am doing...its okay though....I think i will do just fine at tryouts. :) |
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| i am happy, yet frustrated |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | If i aint got you- Alicia Keys | ] |
These past couple of days have been good...yet upsetting..but i'll be alright..its not like i haven't worked through frustrating times before.
Damn i LOVE this new ( well not new..but new) Alicia Keys song, "If i ain't got you", it is such a great song. Especially if you know exactley what she is talking about, I guess that is how i describe my relationship...because i don't want anything from David, I just want to be with him right now at this point in my life.
Today was exciting David was the d.j for the freestyle battle outside of Mendenhall i got to watch him in "action", it was nice. Even though the guys freestyling were horendous, David was wonderful on the turntables. I am clapping right now :)......I am excited for this weekend David is supposed to meet my Grandma, ( Now Grandma is the Queen B! as lomg as I get David to meet Grandma i will be soooooo happy) Plus it will be six months at the end of this month i think it is time for him to meet her, he has already met my momma.
Well i must go now i am tired |
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| I'm Back |
[Mar. 23rd, 2004|10:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i want you- Janet Jackson | ] |
I have a headache and it wont go away, i have been hurting for the majority of the day. But i have had a good day, i also had a great spring break! I went to Florida with David (we are still not officially back together but.....) and i had a lot of fun, i met his family, went to a Sean Paul concert, went to Universal Studios, went to a lot of malls, seen two movies for the price of one. That is always good.
We both agreed that spending time together was good for our relationship, but he still has a lot of shit in his life he needs to get together, and for the first time i agree with him.
My arm hurts from playing raquetball......Well i must go now the bed is calling my name. |
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| Blah |
[Mar. 8th, 2004|10:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | what if the woman- Joe | ] |
I really don't have anything special to talk about right now, i was studying and i stopped that, i was also making my bed and i stopped that mid-way, then i started reading my old journal entries.....There is nothing real special in them.
This weekend i went to Durham..we were supposed to go to this party and get drunk and then go to this club...we did neither of the two, which pleased me very much! I did not feel like drinking or partying, i just felt like seeing or talking to David.
Then on Saturday i saw my momma which made me very happy....Then i went to my grandma's which made me extra happy! and my brother and all of my cousins were there...so i was surrounded by family so i felt very loved.
You know this "time apart" from David has really made me realize how much i actually like him and want to be with him. Girls and guys take there boy/girlfriends for granted and i guess i did too. I mean i appreciated him and i thanked God every night for sending me someone like him, and i guess this is Gods way of saying "Lauren i can give you someone or something wonderful, and i can also take it away." He is probably just preparing me for something wonderful ahead.
Well i gotta go. |
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| i think i was misunderstood |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
| [ | music |
| | anything by Boy George | ] |
I think that i was misunderstood by my earlier entry.....
When i meant not comfortable i did not mean that people( i.e. Naynay) made me uncomfortable, i was saying that my situation was uncomfortable. When i first started the new sememster i lost my grandfather which contributed to the uncomfortablness of being a freshman in college, and i really did not want to be here.
Girl, Naynay i LOVE you and if you had ever ever ever.... ever in my life made me uncomfortable i would not be friends with you now and i definitely would not have sent as much time with you last semester. I knew that some how my words would get mixed and mashed that is why i made a point to say that i still like everyone and i am not mad or trying to be mean to anyone.
Don't be sad there is no reason for all of that, you are still considered a close friend of mine, and i have no REASON to feel uncomfortable around you. :) |
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| "time apart" |
[Mar. 5th, 2004|10:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Don't take your love away- Avant | ] |
Me and David have decided to take some time apart, and it is not even because our relationship is going bad it is because a lot of things in his life are not going as well as he had hoped. And of course when stuff is not going well, who is the one that gets neglected and left out?....Me the girlfriend. I still like him and he still likes me, but we decided that until things get straightend out we should "take a break" from us. It kills me though because i like him sooooo much, but i believe that this is for the better.
I don't see "time apart" as breaking up i see it as being together but not together and therefore he can't see anyone else and i can't see anyone else. Plus i don't want to see anyone else or talk to anyone else anyway, David is my heart. And he said that he just wants to chill until everything gets better, and he knows things will get better, but he just wants to wait till he is financially stable and everything. I don't blame him though you can't make others happy unless you yourself are happy.
I know things will work out because i have faith in me and David, i just hope everything in his life will come back together. |
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| I've changed |
[Mar. 4th, 2004|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  refreshed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | can't wait- Sleepy Brown | ] |
I realized that since Christmas break i have changed, well i don't think that i have changed, i think that i have became more of who i really am. I know that doesn't make sense, but since Christmas i've done the things or spent time with people who i am really comfortable with. And that is not being rude,disrespectful, or whatever to anyone, i don't mean to hurt anyones feelings, but during that time away from everyone at school, a lot of things came together for me. And this may not make sense to anyone in the world but me, and i can't really describe what i am talking about. All i know is that when i steped on campus after Christmas break i knew that a lot of things would not be the same and personally i would not want them to be the same.
First semester, like everyone else, i think i was trying to get comfortable and get used to college and people the around me, and i don't think i was truley comfortable with a lot of things. Now this semester, well this year, i have found my comfort zone, and if some people are not happy or comfortable with MY comfort zone, that just goes to show why i don't surround myself with them anymore.
Like i said before i am not being rude, mean, or disrespectful to anyone. I love everybody i am not a fake nor am i a liar. I still love everyone, i still love the ghettoness( especially NAYNAY) even though some may think i just want to be part of the crowd. I am not mad at anyone, i still like everyone as a friend, i've just changed a little and in my eyes for the better. |
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| i going, going back, back to Cali |
[Mar. 1st, 2004|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Baby-Ashanti | ] |
I hate when people think that they know you so well that they think that they can predict your every move or tell you something about yourself. I am not mad at anyone but i notice that a lot of people do that. I don't think i do, well i might. That just irks me, especially when people try to tell you, who you are or say that you do something that you don't do. But i am not mad at anyone.
Well i have to go into the gym and play some good ole fashion volleyball. |
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| I'm Rick James...Bitch!!!!! |
[Feb. 23rd, 2004|10:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mary Jane- Rick James | ] |
In the middle of greasing my hair, i remembered that the ghetto queen herself said that i inspired her. :) That makes me feel wonderful because i normally don't inspire people.....
Well i am a little frustrated at the boyfriend, i haven't talked to him in like two days, were not mad at each other we just have been a little too busy for one another.
Is that a bad thing? I still like him A LOT!!!!!!
I'm Rick James...BITCH ( Chappelle show fans know what i am talking about) hahahaha |
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| i should be studying right now |
[Feb. 22nd, 2004|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Like a virgin- Madonna | ] |
I am so ...there are some dumb ass people here in Greenville all i heard out of the window just a second ago was, "fuck you nigga, fuck you nigga" to the beat of a song some people are so dumb.... okay back to me.
I am so slack i should be studying right now I have two tests tommarow and a quiz all back to back because i only have three classes on mondays/wensdays/and fridays, and instead of studying i am writing in my journal:)
Well i don't have much to talk about i just wanted to update every now and then to keep up, I love writing in a journal and i don't care if no one reads it. |
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| no subject |
[Feb. 17th, 2004|09:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nerdy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | no better luv- young gunz | ] |
I have been freakin' out lately over Biology, I hate biology and i am not good in it at all, but it sucks that i have to take it.
I really need to do good in it though, because as of right now i am failing the class and the lab, and that is crap.
But i have been doing alright other than thinking about biology, i do think that my hair is falling out though, and i had a decent valentines day. But i have so much shit coming up. I have three tests ,i think, within the next week and three project type things to give to my teachers( two papers and one project) so i have been doing nothing really but studying. Oh well that is how college is.
I do want to thank my friend Val for buying me some grease though because i needed it. |
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| how careless some people are |
[Feb. 10th, 2004|08:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
I really don't have anything to really write about i just wanted to do something that took up time.
Well lets see i went home this weekend and got sick! (whoo-hoo)
I also realized how stupid my friend back home is, i don't understand why people have children young and then don't want to take care of them. She would rather have other people taking care of her child, and "play house" with her boyfriend( who is staying with her now). It just aggravates the hell out of me that people can be so careless when they bring a life into this world.
I can't talk about this anymore or i will get to upset |
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